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Today is a happy day for me.
I finished the first draft of my thesis.
I fixed the last bug in my math library.
Suddenly I have no reasons to have long nights for this Winter.
Yes , the seeming despair disappeared like it never existed before..
When standing alone in the weeds and wildflowers,
I felt the despair of the loneliness,
When facing piles and piles of problems from the work,
I felt the despair of the anixiety.
When waking up in the snowy winter mornings,
I felt the despair of helpless.
Suddenly they are all gone, only left myself behind.
But I did learn one thing which I thought I knew before:
The despair is not about the things, but myself.
Any thing good or bad eventually will be "gone with the wind",
Why I borther to be the one to be slaved by despair?
Yes, I am the one to kick his ass!
I am telling him right now
"I dare you come up again"!
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在为 Big Blue写软件。
因为最近心情不好，加之赶写论文忙，误了前次对同事的约定。
可以看出他们的稍许不快。
不过那个约定是我主动提的，
换了我，我也会有想法。
这是我身上的严重不足。
我缺乏对 “言必信，行必果” 的重视和毅力。
这可是个要命的缺陷。
记得孔子的一句话，大意是：
说了就要做， 所以说的时候当然就显得很迟钝。
我就不行， 说的快， 做得慢，早晚要误大事！
这样有个几次，谁还会敢放心依赖我？
我要小心了。
做不到的不说，
说出口的一定要努力去做！
即使万一没做到， 只要尽力了， 应该问心无愧了。
一定要小心了。
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4:30 am again.
finished another chapter in my dissertation..
polynomial solving...
polyhedral linear programming...
compiler optimization...
my head is just about blowing.
happy can go to bed now.
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Following is a piece of message
from myself replying to
one of my friends, here.
I want to remind myself for this.
[From my friend]
wow, so it's true that men like young and pretty women?
[My Answer]
yes, it's true that
men like young and pretty women.
and women like (little older?) and handsome guys.
But "like" is not "love".
"like" is a preliminary feeling.
but "love" is a comprehensive thing.
You can like many people,
however, probably only truely love few of them
such as parents, sisters, brothers, your Mr. right, and your
kids.
"Like" can happen at the first spot.
But "love" takes time...
This what I've just learnt from the painful lessons.
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今年夏天，
我会接老爸老妈来我的城市住。
这是他们第二次来这异国它乡，
应该比前次适应些了吧。
第一次是参加我的硕士毕业典礼，
这次是博士。
最不同的是，
这次我又成了单身。
真好像一个10年的轮回，
毕业了，
上班了，
和老爸老妈在一起，
找女朋友，
计划着未来。。。
呵呵
想起小时候，
老爸天天在我睡前给我讲一集 水浒，
一集睡不着就讲两集。呵呵。
这回该是我讲自己的故事
给他们的时候了。
老妈也是最疼儿子，
我都觉得有点对我老姐太不公平了。
我想今年夏天，
同事们一定很羡慕我。
我又是在爸妈身边的孩子了， 呵呵 。。。
到了该
真正懂得珍惜
的年纪了。。。
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初想：
1） 有能力逆转不利的局势。
2） 有能力保持好的势头。
3） 有能力让事物甚至人向你所期待的方向发展。
在心： 自信， 乐观， 持韧， 诚信， 豁达。
在智： 作人360度，度度都要小心地想， 认真地做。
在技术： 作人的艺术， 交友的艺术， 办事能力。
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After my divorce,
every morning
while waking up,
I feel the pain
sometimes less
sometimes more
in the heart.
But I also perceive that
it's leaving me
slowly...
Yes time is the greatest doctor
to cure
every
broken
heart.
Another helper is the friends.
Just a greeting from an old friend,
made me feel very happy
at the usually painful morning
when struggling getting up...
2009 should be the year ...
I'm convinced
now :)
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I feel the practice on 炼心术 works. （ref. 心学大师王阳明 《传习录》）
I can control my body, mind and soul better ever..
should keep on...
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